Too late??

I woke up this morning, my phone showed the time of 10.32am. I immediately took of my socks and jumped off bed. I just wanted to make sure that I managed to see you for a bit before you went off for work because I wouldn't be able to see until tomorrow night. That's how much you mean to me but I guess you never realise it.

I finally gathered up all my courage to talk to you last night, by email tough because I don't know how to talk about it face to face. I sent you a mail asking you t think of what you really want out of us and this relationship. You can't keep me hanging like this. You said you love me, You said you want to live single life but you need me around, I am important to you. You always confused me with this. When I finally managed all my feelings two night ago, a single I love you words always softens my heart. Because I believe that we still can make through this tough phase in our relationship if we really want to work hard for it, both fight for it.

I don't know what is in your mind. I don't know what you are thinking. I don't know what you want. How I wish I can read minds, not everyone's but yours. I really want to know whether there is still me there left, even just a single dot of me. I want to know whether you still really care of just to say things to make me happy. I want to know what is at the back of your head. I want to know what do you want to do about us. I want to know this, I want to know that, I want all the answers to whys and what ifs.

Maybe it's my fault to love and care for you too much. The more you love the more you get hurt. But I truly love you with all my heart. I'm hurt and in so much pain but I don't know why I'm stupid enough to stay in this pain. I should've moved on but my heart keeps telling me no, because my heart knows you the best and it believes in second or maybe this is considered third chance for us.

I don't know whether you feel the same. I don't know whether I still ever cross your mind. But one thing for sure that I know is that your love for me has changed, not the genuine one like last time, not the wholehearted one like last time. I know your heart is divided with the other party as well, or maybe not, but at the back of your heart you can't seem to forget things about her. I have my reasonings to say so. But I hope that maybe I think wrongly or what I saw was wrong.

I miss u sayang.....