Equality

All the plan from the beginning before we came here have changed thanks to your family, the caused of everything. The plan to come to Sydney together, find a place together, go back during the holiday together,everything is ruined. Poor me who had to take all the blame for everything. And because of everything, the relationship that we treasured and cherished changed as well.

Yeah, I did admit my mistake for playing around out of anger. I went out with another guy because of what your family has done to me. I played around and went out with another guy twice, I admit it. But at least I went out when we were not together. Even not when we were officially not together, but at least we were apart from one another, and not when we were officially in a relationship. And don't forget, when we were in a relationship, I flirted but I never involved my feeling to try to fall for others, to seek for attention from others, or to make others fall for me. I flirted but it never caused anything to our relationship.

From your side, you played twice as well. It is fair enough, I played twice and you played twice. But you played when we were officially together in the relationship. You told me that you know your limit and what you were doing. For both times, the girls, your affairs turned you down. Try to imagine if both keep continuing texting and chatting all the time? You said you know what you were doing. But somehow, if you know what you were doing and you know what you did might cause harm to the relationship, you should take action to stop instead of waiting for the other party to turn you down, sad and then only turn back to me and told me you knew your limit.

It is fair that both of us played twice. But there were difference still.I played around because I was so much hurt by your family,but when I came back, I was and am fully faithful and committed to us. When you came back, you told me you would be faithful but instead it happened again the same exact way like the first one. I flirted with guys before when we were together, but I didn't text people 24/7 and do things that would make you feel uncomfortable, and I didn't put our relationship at risk because I knew my limit to not involved my feeling. You played and flirted around doing things that made me feel uncomfortable, and still keep doing it with some feelings involved to the point that you forgot that you were still in a relationship. If it was just playing around with no feeling involved, I wouldn't mind. But the thing was, you went all gaga and fell hard for them.

I didn't say much even for the second affair because I reflected back onto myself that I played twice as well (although I played because of what your family has done to me). I think it's fair enough for both of us. After the two incidents that we had from both side, I do wish that these are the last time we played around outside. There is nothing wrong with being faithful and committed to each other especially if we know that is the person that you are most comfortable with. What will we gain while playing outside and fall for other people that we barely know and being infactuated for a bit but ruined the relationship that has been there for years? It's just like the saying of "When we are busy picking up the stones, we don't realise that we might lose the diamond". I'm smart enough to learn the lesson from all this, I hope you are smart one as well. Remember the line "Once bitten twice shy"? Don't just make it a saying, keep up with it :)

Lying and relationship

I've done a lot of readings about lying in a relationship, trust issues, why partner lies, etc. I've done this because of one reason, there is a trust issue in the relationship. He doesn't seem to trust me when he said he gives me his full trust, and I can hardly trust him because he has too many issues to hide from me. No one's perfect, even me. I don't deny that I made mistakes, I admit to it and it was stupid, but I work hard to make things up. While on the other hand, he made mistake and admitted it (only after a while) but he never seem to learn from the lesson.

What is trust in a relationship? 

Trust is knowing that you can depend on someone, to go to bad for you or simply be there for you. Trust is believing. It is about the truths. Trust is about telling the truth. 

Lie is one of the most killer factors in a relationship. Once you start telling lie, you won't be able to stop. The fact is lie and deception, false pretense, and keeping information are all in the same category, it's all the same thing. There are some reasons for people telling lies, especially in a relationship.

1.     To save the partner from being hurt

Some people believe that lying for this reason is considered as white lies. Some do this because they believe that their partner is too sensitive or can’t handle the truth. But in fact, people tell lies to save themselves, not their partner or the relationship. It’s better to tell the partner the truth than telling lies.

2.     Some people lie because they are selfish

This type of liar is problematic. It’s always easier for them to tell lies than the truth. This people lies on every things for their own good so they can get away from any problems they might encounter.

The truth is, somebody who lies has a lot of other stuff going on and it’s not easy to come clean. For a liar to change, they need a lot of help. Lying is manipulation. The more they tell lies, the more things they need to cover. When you lie in a relationship, it means that you are up to no good and most likely you are going to create an unnecessary insecurity and make the situation worse, for both you and your partner and the relationship. For example, if a man cheats on a woman for any reasons, but still has feelings for her, then he has a reason to lie. He may still actually want to be with her, but if he tells her it could destroy the relationship and her trust therefore they think lying about cheating could allow them to continue to have a happy relationship without her finding out about it.

Below are the signs of if they people are not genuine:

3.     They say one thing and do another

4.     They may be to agreeable all the time

5.     When challenged, their body language shifts and/or they get real defensive

6.     They make excuses for their actions

7.     They can keep their stories straight

8.     When confronted, they project the issue on you to place blame

9.     They leave out pieces of necessary information that would complete their story

10. They always find a way to play the victim

11. They carry a jealous, resentful and fearful disposition

How to fix a relationship after lying?

When you have told lie to your partners, it is difficult to win their trust back. Rebuilding trust in a relationship is difficult. Not all relationships can be fixed, but many can. It takes time, sincerity and consistency to rebuild the trust. Best ways to do after lying in a relationship:

1.     Stop telling lies and confess

2.     Decide what changes need to be made in a relationship

3.     Accept the consequences

4.     Answer all the questions with the truth

5.     Don’t be defensive

6.     Don’t lie anymore

It is difficult to maintain the relationship after all the trust issues and lies. To rebuild the relationship after the conflicts and negativitiy can be done by:

1.     Slow and consistent, take time to get things back to normal

2.     Be loyal to win the trust back. A relationship with secrets is destined for failure

3.     Keep things upbeat by having positive attitude towards each other to keep happiness and affections for long run

4.     Approach the problems and difficulties together to have a stronger bond in the relationship

5.     Don’t take each other for granted

6.     Appreciate and respect the differences rather than trying to change them and how they behave

7.     Be approachable for the partner to be able to talk and share freely, listen and understand and do not judge

8.     Keep the commitment by reassuring each other of their love and commitment

Infatuation

Wow............... !!!!!!!!!

That's my first impression to this. It happened once and yet now it happened again? Expected much!

What should I say about this guy then? Too childish? Too much of himself? Too perasan? Lol.
Just because he doesn't look like the way he did last time so e thinks that he could get any girls he wants now? Funny isn't it?

I know that this thing is going to happen again the minute he started to text a girl constantly. Keep telling me to trust him that things won't happen for the second time and he knows his limit, is this the limit he's talking about? The limit to be infactuated with girl for the second time just because of texting? I guess people never learn their mistake,huh?? It's fun to make the same mistake again and again and create chaos, huh?

Ok here, let's say, if the first girl actually didn't turn him down, what would happen by now? They would be together, have one girlfriend at home and one at work? It was lucky that she turned him down. How about the second one? What if she didn't turn him down, or what if he doesn't know his limit, what would happen?

Why can't guys open their eyes big and see things in bigger picture? They think they can do whatever they want and change it the minute things start to happen? Why do they like to take people for granted? How would they feel if they are the one being taken granted on? Surely they would go crazy and furious and call for break up every single time people take them for granted.

We girls are more rational about things. We clearly know our limit when we say we do, unlike guys who never make use of their big brain to think. We girls are more patient about things, how people treat us and everything else.

This is a song dedicated for guys out there who like to play.

Foolishness

Girls feeling are always very strong, I believe in that. And what I talked about before actually come true. For guys out there who think they have the right to fool around with girls feeling, you might as well go to hell and rot there. Girls are not robot, we have feelings. We are not our toy to play around with, and just kick us away when you get bored.

Some guys are usually closed with girls and have a lot of girlfriends, even it happen to girls as well who have a lot of guy friends, but not everyone. when you get closed to someone even as friends, you should place a gap to make sure they don't take you wrongly to prevent anything from happening. Maybe for some people its normal, but for some can be something else. And if you think after that you can defend yourself by telling them no, sorry only as friends, it's just not the right thing to do.

For guys out there who actually think it's ok to do that, where is your brain? is it hiding inside your ass? Wanna try to be a player, huh? Or you think you are so cool and so hot, huh? Attention seekers! Feel proud to be able to get someone to like you? Bullshit!

If you guys can make use of your brain, please don't make use of it for something stupid like it's ok to play with girls feeling. IT'S NOT OK AT ALL! You can say that you never have the intention of doing that but remember, you have full control of yourself on how you do things, you have full control of your own limit. It's true that you can't control how people feel towards you, but if you never plan to make them to feel like you want them, you should know what to do and not do. You should be able to make use of your brain to think if you get too closed to them, how do they feel about it, what if they take it differently?

Even if those dumbass don't do this to me, as a girl I still think it's seriously wrong. I'm a girl, I know how it feels and how painful it is for someone to be closed to you, showing the attention like you are so special but in the end you just tell them off sorry I have no other intentions but be friends. Try us to play with your feelings that way and see how you feel about it.

Don't be selfish on whatever you do, think of others as well. Remember, the world doesn't evolves around you only, watch after what you do!

Bad day

Omg, suddenly feeling so sick, I don't know why. But there a super big disappointment really. I was sleeping then woke up back and forth to the toilet to vommit. He could see I'm really not feeling well but he just doesn't care and leave. What if one day he comes back and I'm no longer there, will he actually care? Even like today he does't care at all, even when I get sick his friends are still much more important. What is this then?

Few months back when he woke me up and told me he was not feeling well, I immediately got up and checked on him to make sure he was ok, to take care of him, got some medicine and made some nice warm tea for me, stayed by his side and accompanied him, made sure he got everything that he needed, but when I get sick, this is what he gives me?

He saw me so sick, he couldn't even use his phone to tell his friends such things like,"I'm sorry my gf suddenly is not feeling well, I won't be able to make it this time, I have to look after her" or this sort of things. He could if he really wants to, but he doesn't. If they are really good friends, they should understand. It's al within himself afterall, not his friends to be blamed, he is just too kiasu. Even if I actually ask him to stay just now, I could expect a reason such as this thing has been planned so can't change plan last minute or you will be ok trust me, all this excuses so he can go out still. Geez.....

Right before he left, I only told him to come back early because I'm not feeling well. All he answered as,"see first, I don't know what the plan is tonight with the girls". Maybe even if I suddenly text him telling him I'm going to die now, he doesn't even care...

Huge disappointment!!!

Immaturity in guys

I know one or two guys who think that they are so mature and yet they act the opposite way. They always think that they are such a big guy who always do think for others and always the considerate one, while in fact, they might not ask for something in return now, but they make the whole lot of fuss about what they have done for others and asking for something back. Maybe yeah, few times they are nice and considerate but most of the time they are childish, very selfish and never consider about how others might feel.

There are few signs of guys being immature, most of them are very obvious about how childish they are. Even when I browse through the net, it says the same thing like what I go through, therefore it's not me who is being to paranoid, overjealous, who gets pissed easily, and super sensitive, but the problem is from those childish people who are too blind to realise problems within themselves. Some of the signs are:

1. Blame game
This is for those who never realise their doings and instead blame it on others. Whatever others do is wrong and they are right. Every single thing is always others fault without reflecting on what they do. If they are mature enough, they should be able to use their brain to think of what happen, the cause on effect in their actions and admit it. Some realise they do mistake but they just can't admit that they are wrong therefore they blame it on others.

2. Selfishness
Everything is about me, me, me and me. This is the type of mindset they have. They are not considerate, they never think of others. What I do is right and for my good, go to hell with others. It's not to say that it's a bad thing, but there is a limit of being selfish as well. Some people can take your selfishness and al your will, but some don't, some even hate it. Try to put yourself on other's shoes where they just push push push everything to you.

3. Manipulate condition
What it means here is when they know that people spot their wrong doings and confront them, instead of admitting, they use other reasons that make others feel bad just to feel safe and throw the blame on others. This happens all the time if you know some immature people. They just don't want to be wrong, always want to be right even if they are at the wrong side. It's easy, what they do is twist the truth or play the mind game to make you feel bad and forgive their doings, while in fact, we do nothing at all. Another common thing that they do to manipulate condition is trying to shift the conversation to other things hoping that we don't talk about their mistake anymore.

4. Have fun
All this people love to do is just to have fun. They never think of their future. They only think of today, or maybe tomorrow and that's it. They go out with friends whenever they wish, do whatever they want. And if you dare to say no to their fun, you will be having hell time with them, and things surely go back to #1, the blame game. They just want to hang out and do fun things with a bunch of people who they call as friends without considering and thinking if these friends are genuine. Maybe they forget that fun friends are just for fun, nothing else, they won' even bother if you die the next day.

5. Get mad easily
Whatever others do is wrong to them. Even for a little tiny thing, they get angry and furious. Everything seem to be wrong to them. They even get angry for the right thing if it's not like how they want it to be. When everything goes as they how want it to be then only things are right for them, if not everything seem to be negative and cause their temper to boil.

6. Can't stick to commitment
This is the most common sign that you can find in immature guys. This happens because they can't make up their mind on what they want, sometimes they want everything then the next second they don't want it anymore. They can't make up their mind and stick to it. They follow the flow or other influence's easily. They can't even stick to their own words, and most of the time when being confronted, they find excuses. They refuse to the commitment if they know that they can't stick to it or mainly because of their selfishness. As I said earlier, whatever they do or anything that happen, all must be like how they want it to be, their way, or it's a no no.