Lying and relationship

I've done a lot of readings about lying in a relationship, trust issues, why partner lies, etc. I've done this because of one reason, there is a trust issue in the relationship. He doesn't seem to trust me when he said he gives me his full trust, and I can hardly trust him because he has too many issues to hide from me. No one's perfect, even me. I don't deny that I made mistakes, I admit to it and it was stupid, but I work hard to make things up. While on the other hand, he made mistake and admitted it (only after a while) but he never seem to learn from the lesson.

What is trust in a relationship? 

Trust is knowing that you can depend on someone, to go to bad for you or simply be there for you. Trust is believing. It is about the truths. Trust is about telling the truth. 

Lie is one of the most killer factors in a relationship. Once you start telling lie, you won't be able to stop. The fact is lie and deception, false pretense, and keeping information are all in the same category, it's all the same thing. There are some reasons for people telling lies, especially in a relationship.

1.     To save the partner from being hurt

Some people believe that lying for this reason is considered as white lies. Some do this because they believe that their partner is too sensitive or can’t handle the truth. But in fact, people tell lies to save themselves, not their partner or the relationship. It’s better to tell the partner the truth than telling lies.

2.     Some people lie because they are selfish

This type of liar is problematic. It’s always easier for them to tell lies than the truth. This people lies on every things for their own good so they can get away from any problems they might encounter.

The truth is, somebody who lies has a lot of other stuff going on and it’s not easy to come clean. For a liar to change, they need a lot of help. Lying is manipulation. The more they tell lies, the more things they need to cover. When you lie in a relationship, it means that you are up to no good and most likely you are going to create an unnecessary insecurity and make the situation worse, for both you and your partner and the relationship. For example, if a man cheats on a woman for any reasons, but still has feelings for her, then he has a reason to lie. He may still actually want to be with her, but if he tells her it could destroy the relationship and her trust therefore they think lying about cheating could allow them to continue to have a happy relationship without her finding out about it.

Below are the signs of if they people are not genuine:

3.     They say one thing and do another

4.     They may be to agreeable all the time

5.     When challenged, their body language shifts and/or they get real defensive

6.     They make excuses for their actions

7.     They can keep their stories straight

8.     When confronted, they project the issue on you to place blame

9.     They leave out pieces of necessary information that would complete their story

10. They always find a way to play the victim

11. They carry a jealous, resentful and fearful disposition

How to fix a relationship after lying?

When you have told lie to your partners, it is difficult to win their trust back. Rebuilding trust in a relationship is difficult. Not all relationships can be fixed, but many can. It takes time, sincerity and consistency to rebuild the trust. Best ways to do after lying in a relationship:

1.     Stop telling lies and confess

2.     Decide what changes need to be made in a relationship

3.     Accept the consequences

4.     Answer all the questions with the truth

5.     Don’t be defensive

6.     Don’t lie anymore

It is difficult to maintain the relationship after all the trust issues and lies. To rebuild the relationship after the conflicts and negativitiy can be done by:

1.     Slow and consistent, take time to get things back to normal

2.     Be loyal to win the trust back. A relationship with secrets is destined for failure

3.     Keep things upbeat by having positive attitude towards each other to keep happiness and affections for long run

4.     Approach the problems and difficulties together to have a stronger bond in the relationship

5.     Don’t take each other for granted

6.     Appreciate and respect the differences rather than trying to change them and how they behave

7.     Be approachable for the partner to be able to talk and share freely, listen and understand and do not judge

8.     Keep the commitment by reassuring each other of their love and commitment