Ur day

We had a good time last night on your birthday. You were not that surprised after all, got you cake and the presents. Finally managed to get a picture with you, never really take picture together. We also played UNO the whole night with the people at home. That was fun.

I was happy that I managed to cook simple birthday breakfast for him. After that I asked him to check under the bed for his presents. He was touched, he cried in happiness. I cried as well. I miss him so much.

Somehow I can see that this relationship is getting better slowly, but a bit too slow for me. I do understand that he needs time to adjust himself back to me and everything. But how long more should I wait for him to be back like last time? I think I've waited enough, long enough for something that I feel that I never did wrong about. Thing is, it's very simple, it's either he comes back or not at all.

One thing that I hate the most which I think he can never change is chatting and texting with different girls everyday in a very secretive way, Rachel, Maggie Ong, and don't know who else. I don't know whether he is being friendly or flirty. But when he said he want to make things right between us and he keeps doing this, it's just not acceptable. It's not about being possessive, but we can ask the whole world, which girlfriend would like it of their guy busy texting and chatting with girls everyday. I'm sure we all know the answers, we all have the same answers, not just me. Whether it's just a random talk or any other talk, it's all the same thing. Adding to that, keeping password on the phone is just another suspicious act. He was never like this. He was opened about everything, his friends, his phones, everything. Instead, he was the one that randomly checked my phone etc but I didn't mind. We had no secrets at all because we had nothing to hide from each other, not like now. Privacy was his reason for it, but there is difference between privacy and hiding things.

I hate the childish him now, the one that is kiasu of everything, kiasu of what people has, kiasu of what people do, everything. He keeps comparing what he has and what his mamak friends have. They have nice phone, faster internet, better phone provider, go to better uni, can go out to have fun and drink whenever they want to, bla bla bla. Maybe he should remember that one of his closest friend is single and another is also newly single, but he is not.

I try my best to trust him again, I keep telling myself to give this relationship another chance. I keep telling myself that everyone deserves chances to prove themselves. Or maybe I'm being too nice like what everyone tells me. I want to give it a go, I really do, maybe we really can make things better, but how long can I stay being like this, feeling like this all the time. This is how I want a relationship to be. I don't want relationship with lies and lack of openness. I don't want to argue with him all the time again whenever he meets new people then pushes me aside again for nothing that I did wrong.

I don't know, I really don't know. What I know now is to give him the best memorable memory of me........