Accepting changes

I don't post as often as before, not because things have gotten better but the fact that I start to accept that things don't always go as how we want it to be. Nothing we can change but to accept it as how it is, make do with whatever we have, accept things, stop complaining then you will therefore feel your life is slightly better.

People keep telling me to stop my self-pity since we can't change the past. That's what I've been up to, embracing what I used to have and what I have now. Let the old good and bad times be memory, the most important thing is the lessons learnt from the past events in life and try to be a better person. Memories never changed, what can change is people and situation.

I start to stop expecting much from people because I learnt that expecting hurts when the expectations are not met to what we want or how we want things to be. But one thing to remember, life is never fair. It's like a turning wheel, it goes up and down. There are times when we are up and feel like on top of the world, but there are times when we are at the lowest point as well. It happens to everyone. I believe I've just gone through one of the lowest point, hit my breaking point. I realise now is time for me to slowly crawl up again, bring the torn pieces into one to show the world who I really am.

When I think of what have just happened, it was tough, very very tough. But I realise that I can't just look up to others, I have to look down as well. At least I'm thankful that I still manage to wake up everyday, to see the sunshine, to be able to have proper education, to have family that cares, to have friends that loves, etc. so many things that I should actually be thankful of that not everyone can have.

One thing that keep me strong is my mommy. I shouldn't be too sad just because of my broken love life. Losing the person that I love is hurtful, but it shouldn't be as hurtful as losing my mommy. She used to be my closest person although we were apart most of the time. She was the person that I turned to all the time in any situation. I still remember the time when I lost her, even up to now I'm still grieving deep inside me. I shouldn't be sad for my love life because it is nothing compared to losing her. She was the person that gave birth to me, took care of me, taught me to be a person. Who is he compared to her? Why would I be so sad losing him? I have known him for only 3 years while I knew her for my whole life.

At the time when I was down, how I really wish she was around for me to talk to, to cry on, to share about everything, the pain in me, only she could see through everything without the need of me saying a single word. I miss her...