Back to one

Things have been better compare to before, but I don't want to hope too much. Like I said earlier, I'm too afraid to be broken for the second time. I learnt a lot from what has happened, but one thing I always remember, Don't love too much, Don't care too much or it will hurt much.

Healing, slowly but surely. I'm slowly gathering the puzzle pieces of me back into one again like last time. When I was at the lowest point, I never thought I would heal ever. I thought I would be stuck down there for pretty long, but it eventually did. I was there for monthS, crying and thinking and crying and crying asking God what I've done wrong for him to give em all this. I was totally miserable. I was stressed and depressed, couldn't eat and sleep for weeks and cried to sleep every night. Blessing in disguise, I slimmed down :)

Once people told me that time heals, once in a while we need to cry out loud to let the tears clean our soul to be a better person and start anew. When I think about it, it's kinda true. Maybe I've just passed the crying moments, time to take a step forward to be stronger. It was hard but one thing I'm very sure of is that it's all worth it. I learnt that I can be strong inside to have my head and heart walk together next to each other.

Although we are slowly getting back together, but I don't feel that happy as how I'm supposed to feel. It's just there is something is lacking still, the chemistry, the love, the bond. Things are too slow here. I start to think to myself whether it's all worth it. When I came back, I came back immediately without the need of making him wait and wait, but now it's different. I don't know how long I should wait for him to be back like last time again, the loving caring him that I used to love a lot. Or maybe he is just not the same person anymore. Love itself is not enough to make a relationship works, it needs the affections as well. I always wonder to myself whether he is still my Nicholas or he is just another stranger.... I miss the old him a lot, I miss the happy times that we spent together, I miss the strong us that went through all the ups and downs together :(