Everyone except......

I always thought that I'm the one, I'm the special one,but seems like I'm wrong. I'm just an exception. I'm an exception for everything. Everyone have the right to know about you but me. You let everyone see you but me. You blocked me from everything as if I don't have the right to know any updates about you. Blocked me here and there, rejected me here and there, I know all this. You hide me from your world, I know as well. Everyone know everything about you, except RENITA KURNIAWAN

I thought I'm supposed to be the one to know you the most but it doesn't seem to be that way. Maybe I should not say a word about it. You have the right to keep things from me, I have no right to be angry about it. I'm just a nobody who simply loves to stay by your side, who you look and reach out for when others are away or when you have some problems but noone to share with.

I'm a no body that can't ask for much. It's good enough that you let me stay by your side and have your company. I believe even if I'm not around you would be ok by yourself because you have much more companions, the people whom you can have more fun with. I'm nothing but a boring girl who you can't have fun with. Maybe that's the reason you prefer others compare to me.

I don't know why you are keeping me by your side, is it because you really love me and want me to be around or you are afraid to be lonely? If you really do love me, how come I sometimes feel like an outsider to you? You promise me not to lie, not to hide things, no secret but you still do.

All I know is that I love you a lot more than anything. All I want is for you to be happy. All I want is to see you smile and happy everyday even if it's not because of me. Do you really feel happy having me around and being with me? I'm willing to let you go as long as I know that you are happy even without me being around. Being treated like a stranger by the person who you expect to give the most attention to you hurts so much. All I want is for you to understand me a little bit more.

Dear Lord,
If this guy is meant to be with me and we are to be together, please ease our way. Please open his heart and mind to understand me a little bit more about this relationship and my insecurity. Please let him be more understanding and sensitive towards my feeling. But if he is not the one for me, please take him away from me slowly so I won't feel so much of the pain. All I want is for him to be happy and that's it. Only You know the best.......